SPEARE!: A Theatrical Medley was a forty five minute revue written by Slappy Cromwell.

Based on the entire works of William Shakespeare, it was a rewrite intended to attract the pirate masses to the theatre.

Cromwell was unhappy about creating the work, but felt compelled to when nobody was coming to his real Shakespeare performances.

Known ScenesEdit

• It included the story of Romeo and Juliet, but with a changed ending due to focus groups not being keen on the original deaths of the protagonists. Stu Boyle portrayed Juliet.
• It included a number of knock-knock jokes and a juggling act. First with knives "Is this a dagger I see before me? No, it's three!" then with skulls (one being Murray "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him... And his two pals!". Finally "the ultimate Shakespearean delight! The famous "Cannonball Juggling" scene from "Romeo and Juliet."
• There was a scene in which Caesar was killed followed by a dance routine. Boyle portrayed a belching Brutus. "Pee'ew Brute".
• A water ballet.
• A scene in which Slappy Cromwells character goes mad.
• A sequence in which Slappy burns Thebes, subdues its army, tramples its citizenry and then smashes a watermelon.
• A quote: "A pirate, by any other name, would still reek! Aargh!"
• The grave of 'Yorik' could be seen in the background suggesting the inclusion of Hamlet.