SPEARE!: A Theatrical Medley was a forty five minute revue written by Slappy Cromwell.
Based on the entire works of William Shakespeare, it was a rewrite intended to attract the pirate masses to the theatre.
Cromwell was unhappy about creating the work, but felt compelled to when nobody was coming to his real Shakespeare performances.
- It included the story of Romeo and Juliet, but with a changed ending due to focus groups not being keen on the original deaths of the protagonists. Stu Boyle portrayed Juliet.
- It included a number of knock-knock jokes and a juggling act. First with knives "Is this a dagger I see before me? No, it's three!" then with skulls (one being Murray "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him... And his two pals!". Finally "the ultimate Shakespearean delight! The famous "Cannonball Juggling" scene from "Romeo and Juliet."
- There was a scene in which Caesar was killed followed by a dance routine. Boyle portrayed a belching Brutus. "Pee'ew Brute".
- A water ballet.
- A scene in which Slappy Cromwells character goes mad.
- A sequence in which Slappy burns Thebes, subdues its army, tramples its citizenry and then smashes a watermelon.
- A quote: "A pirate, by any other name, would still reek! Aargh!"
- The grave of 'Yorik' could be seen in the background suggesting the inclusion of Hamlet.