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Phatt island library
The Phatt Island Library
is located at the Wharf on Phatt Island. It is run by a single Librarian.

Books are organised in an extensive card catalogue.

Guybrush Threepwood used the Library to get a temporary Library Card with which to prove his age to buy alcohol. He also needed to take out a number of books. The library is known to have steep overdue fines.

There is also a miniature display of the planned lighthouse.

CatalogEdit

65-mi 17 64

For the most books, Guybrush will give a generic comment that the book is useless. T marks the books that Guybrush complains that they are too technical. 0 marks the few books that Guybrush doesn't comment at all.

Category Title Description Guybrush's comments
Adult Entertainment Zelda Carbuncle Tells All Memoirs of a woman of dubious pleasure
Animatronics Animatronics By Walt Whimsy T
Animatronics Under the Surface By Walt Whimsy T
Annotation See Footnoting
Archeology X Never Marks the Spot By I. Jones
Art Vagueness as an Art Form
Art/Philosophy Idealism or Surrealism? Philosophy/Art textbook
Beverages Beverages for Everyone You know, I don't believe there's a man, woman, or child alive who doesn't occasionally enjoy a lovely beverage.
Big Whoop See Treasure
Biography Both Hands Empty The Herman Toothrot story
Biography Both Hands Moving The Stan story
Biography Both Heads Empty The Fettucini Brothers story
Biography A Fistful of Barnacles Journal of Captain Twiddlymore
Biography Lick the Silver Spoon By L. Phatt
Biography Me and Blackbeard
Biography The Time I Blew Up LeChuck Questionable memoirs of Guybrush Threepwood I can't believe I'm reading my own memoirs.
Biography Yikes! Memoirs of Captain Gilbert Yikes!
Body Unusual Birthmarks
Breakfast Breakfast at Meathook's
Business How to Make Friends and Influence People By Bluebeard
Cannibalism How to Serve Your Fellow Man By Lemonhead Yikes!
Cannibalism See also: Self-Help
Catalogs See Subheadings
Cheese Guide to Cheeses of the World Reference
Children's Books The Sinister Beast Under the Bed Hmm... Good bedtime reading...
Children's Books Treasury of Pirate Children's Stories
Circuses Alfredo and Bill's Excellent Adventure Fiction
Circuses Damn the Human Torpedo The origin of the human cannonball trick.
Classics Great Expectorations Captain Loogie This is very... ...thick.
Collectables Junk, Junk, and More Junk A guide to modern memorabilia
Cooking Noteworthy Pirate Foods Hey, it's blank!
Cooking Viscous Fluids You Can Make at Home
Crafts Crochet Eyepatches for Fun and Profit
Cross-reference See Referential Obscurantism
Cryptography The Code in My Nose Unique message drops through history. Sounds uncomfortable.
Dewey decimal system See Organizational Schema
Disaster Great Shipwrecks of Our Century From the Lime-Life Disaster Series. Says here the Mad Monkey sank at XXN, XXW.
Disease Fascinating Facts About Scurvy
Diseas Shipboard Diseases Gross.
Dogs Dog English Dictionary Reference It says that "Arf" has twenty-seven meanings in Dog.
Education Preparing for the Pirate Aptitude Test by S. Karpman
Entertainment Quiet on the Set
Entomology Tomato Worms An owner's manual.
Etymology Origins of Pirate Words It says here that most pirate lingo can be traced to Phoenician restroom grafitti.
Eyesight See: Vision
Farthington Dynasty See: Games
Fashion Summer Swashbuckling Fashions Three years of the popular periodical
Fiction E Ticket
Fiction Five More Than I Needed
Fiction Hedgehog Days
Fiction Not So Much as a Doubloon An anthology of short fiction
Fiction Very Very Short Stories Yep, these are short all right.
Finance Easy Ways to Make Money
Fish Big Book of Fish Illustrated guide to the fish of the world. It's a bunch of neat pictures of big fish.
Fishing Limpet Fishing: The Lost Art
Food I Married a Muenster By S. Cheese
Food Life-Size and Larger
Food Rats as a Protein Source Ick.
Food Also see: Cannibalism
Footnoting See Vicious Pedantry
Games Hal Barwood on Monkey 2 A critical review. "Less is more, guys. You can't polish a turd.
Games Fan-Tan Fanatic By Elroy T. Funbun
Games Kings of Shuffleboard An account of the Farthington Dynasty.
Genealogy My Mother the Cart Strange but true tales. This is really creepy!
Genetics How to Make a Jackalope I wonder how they get them to cooperate?
Geometry Properties of the Elliptic Hyperboloid T
Ghost Pirate LeChuck When I Blew Up LeChuck One of Threepwood's worst. The catalog was right, this IS pretty bad.
Ghost Pirate LeChuck Where I Blew Up LeChuck One of Threepwood's worst. The catalog was right, this IS pretty bad.
Ghost Pirate LeChuck Why I Blew Up LeChuck One of Threepwood's worst. The catalog was right, this IS pretty bad.
Godiva, Lady The Shirt Off My Back Biography, see also Adult Entertainment Darn, no pictures.
Grave Robbing Popular Punishment for Grave Robbers Yikes!
Grog, Addiction to I Am Blackbeard's Liver The horrifying true story of a confessed grogaholic Just say no to grog.
Groupings See Catalogs
Headings See Cross-Reference
History Careful With These Cannonballs! Legend of the glass-bottomed armada
History See also: Scabb Island
Hogwash Rememberance of Molly
Humor Bad Puns For Bad Pirates By N. Falstein heh. Heh, heh. Hooo ha ha ha ha. AHAHAHA!!! HOOHAHA-- "He was stumped!"--HAHAHAHA!! Ahaha. Aheh. Oh, well, I guess it wasn't that funny.
Humor Dumb Pirate Jokes
Humor, Gallows So You're Going to Be Executed... Dozens things to say on the chopping block. Gulp.
Ice cream Pirates' Favorite Ice Cream Flavors Hmm, Pistachio Dryrot, Salmonella Chip, Grog 'n' Cream...
Idols Tikis of the South Pacific Reference
Igloos Igloo Contruction Made Easy
Imaginary numbers The New Tax Laws Light fiction. It's a bit dry, and I don't understand the ending.
Indexes See Indices
Indian burns How to Give Great Indian Burns
Indices See Titles
Inferiority The Complex Complex
Internal Revenue Service See Imaginary Numbers
Jackalope See Genetics
Jello The Story of Jello
Jellyfish Our Spineless Cousins
Justice Kangaroo Court Critique of the modern judicial system.
Juvenile Behavior Cow-Tipping Enthusiast Collected essays on form and style.
Karate See Martial Arts
Karma My Karma Just Ran Over Your Dogma See also: Philosophy I think this philosophy stuff is just a waste of time.
Keelhauling Keelhauling: Methodology and Practice
Ketchup See Vegetables
Kidneys The Little Organ That Could Pop-up book of kidney functions. There are little pop-up kidneys in it! Ick!
Kleptomania Kleptomania It says here that kleptomania is a nigh-irresistable compulsion to take anything not nailed down. Hmmm...
Labyrinths See Zip Codes
Language Hip Lingo for Pirates A dictionary for modern slang terms Hmmm... "Aaargh." "Yaarr." "Shiver my timbers." "David Jones' locker." "Dead men don't tell stories." I should brush up on some of these.
Lice Louse Ranching For Fun and Profit
Lunch Afternoon at Meathook's Fascinating...
Lyrics Rock and Raunch Banned record albums of the past decade. I don't see what's so bad about these lyrics.
Magic See Voodoo
Manatees Damp Damsels of the Deep
Manatees The Sailor and The Sea Cow
Martial Arts Theory and Practice of Bone Breakage Hey, this guy's only a PINK belt!
Mathematics Cubic Lemniscate Formulas Boy, is this stuff boring.
Maze Construction See Annotation
Military The Steath Sailer: Why It Won't Sail
Money Make Easy Money at Home It says I should send in two dollars for details.
Mountains The Majesty of the Sierras Sierras? Majestic? I think not.
Music Elvis Lives Predictions of future music by Nottruedamus
Music Grammy Award Winners of the Renaissance
Music Volume First
Music World's Worst Pirate Songs Hey, "A Thousand Bottles of Beer on the Wall."
Music Xylophone For Beginners
Mystery How Much Wood? From the Woodchuck Mystery series. I think the butler did it.
Narcissism Feeling Good About Narcissism The 'about the author' part goes almost the whole way through the book.
Narcolepsy Confessions of a Narcoleptic Boy, what a sleeper.
Night Sounds From Under the Bed
Noises A Definitive Guide to Cartoon Noises
Noogies How to Give Great Noogies
Normality A White Picket Fence Sociological study
Noses Honk If You Have To Colds, allergies, and other ailments.
Nostalgia Soda Fountains of My Youth By Ponce de Leon Boy, does this guy ever want to relive his childhood.
Numerology Numerology for Beginners
Nylon Use of Nylon by Pirates
Obesity More of Me to Love By [[L. Phatt]
Obscenity &$*#! Symbolic equivalents of obscene words and phrases. This stuff is really repulsive!
Okra Favorite Gumbo Recipes See also Food
Olives Scourge of the Pizza Examination of forced olive consumption.
Optimism There's Always A Rainbow I gate people who write books like this.
Orangutans Our Hairy Cousins I have a lot of cousins like that...
Organizational Schema See Labyrinths
Origami Paper Buffalo Advanced origami designs. 0
Orthopedics Hear the Sounds of My Feet Talking It's about zen orthopedics or some such foolishness.
Philosophy Deliberance A philosophical treatise
Philosophy Rastafarian Philosophy I don't get it.
Pillaging All about Pillaging From the popular How-To series.
Pillaging Masters of Pillaging Interviews with some of the best. Wow! These guys are real pirates!
Piracy Pirating Primer For the novice pirate. It's about something called "software" piracy.
Poetry Three Sheets to the Wind Poetry by pirates. This is some of the worst poetry I've ever read.
Quotations Famous Pirate Quotations (already checked by Phatt)
Ranching See Lice
Recursion See Recursion
Recipes, Voodoo The Joy of Hex 101 essential voodoo recipes. I think it's meant for advanced voodoo practicioners. The writing's way too technical for me.
Referential Obscurantism See Groupings
Romance Amour's Agonizing Adieu By Melanie Leary Argh!
Romance Desire's Distasteful Denouement By Melanie Leary Dumb!
Romance Fascination's Final Frenzy By Melanie Leary Fiddle-sticks!
Romance Love's Lingering Lassitude By Melanie Leary Truly disgusting.
Romance Next To Nothing By E. Marley, an account of her time with Guybrush Threepwood. If you can't say something nice, you're not supposed to say anything at all. Much less write a whole BOOK.
Romance Passion's Persistent Presence By Melanie Leary Why would she write this?
Romance Romance's Wretched Residue By Melanie Leary Ridiculous!
Romance Sin's Sordid Swan Song By Melanie Leary Stupid!
Romance Yearning's Yellowing Yesterdays By Melanie Leary Yuck!
Sailing If I Only Had A Drain Perils of showering aboard ship
Sailing Safe Sailing
Salmon Lox and Locks Modern problems facing salmon
Scabb Island Scabb Island History An introduction Says here that Scabb was first settled as a quarantine island for skin diseases. It later became a haven for pirates because of its distinctive lack of authority figures.
Self-Help Pirates Who Love Too Much
Self-Help Not Eating People and Feeling Good About It Confessions of an ex-Cannibal
Sharks Killers of the Deep A study of Caribbean sharks
Shipbuilding Modern Shipbuilding By G. Steele
Shipwrecks See Disasters
Sin The Hidden Sins of Calculus Boy, this is reactionary!
Sin Top Seven Deadly Sins "Sloth" is my favorite.
Slan, Pirate Shiver Me Timbers See also: Language "Yarrr, matey." I wonder if anyone really talks like this.
Sociology Social Darwinism and Social Disease Comparative social theory An interesting comparison.
Solitaire A Million and One Ways to Play Solitaire By Herman Toothrot What a rip. Number 236,709 and number 645,212 are practically the same.
Spiritual Gift of the Lizard People
Spiritual Over the Crow's Nest
Stupidity Walk Thru Walls: The Intelligence Avoider An analysis of the system, pat pending. I certainly don't need this... I can walk straight already.
Subheading See Maze Construction
Subtraction Subtraction: Addition's Tricky Partner T
Surgery Operating Without A Net Techniques for safe surgery. It says to always use latex gloves.
Tattoos Why Chicks Dig Tattoos Hmm... Maybe I should get one.
Tattoos Tattoo-Related Skin Infections Hmm... Maybe I shouldn't get one.
Tattoos A Child's First Book of Tattoos Aw, the teddy bear is cute!
Tea Tea Party Massacre By Louisa de la Cruz 0
Theater Beyond Hearts and Question Marks Shadow puppetry for the two-hook pirate
Three-Headed Monkey The Pride of Loch Ness This guy thinks the legendary Three-Headed Monkey is actually the son of the Loch Ness Monster.
Titles See Headings
Toast Thirty Things That Taste Terrific On Toast
Toenails Modern Toenail Collector Periodical compendium It's a bunch of clippings from some magazine.
Toys Collectable Toy Trucks Here's an interesting one: the Junior Ultra Soldier Commando Assault Vehicle™.
Travel The Caribbean on No Dollars A Day A pirate handbook
Treasure Big Whoop: Unclaimed Bonanza or Myth? (given to Guybrush by the Voodoo Lady, it tells the story of Captain Marley and his crew in their search for Big Whoop, and their eventual fates.)
Tree Surgery Anaesthetics For Deciduous Trees
Trilogies Why People Shouldn't Write Trilogies By Simon Finklebirth
Trilogies Why People Won't Read Trilogies By Simon Finklebirth
Trilogies Why People Write Trilogies Anyway By Simon Finklebirth
Tripes Dessert Recipes for Tripe Lovers Ick.
Ulcers Why You Shouldn't Worry About Ulcers
Umbrellas Giant Umbrellas and Other Bits of Art Sounds dangerous.
Underwear Wedgies: Harmless Fun Or Sadistic Torture? It says here that the wedgie was once used as a law enforcement practice.
Vegetables Vegetables Children Will Eat That's odd, it claims ketchup is a vegetable.
Vicarious Living Popular Spectator Sports I can't find stoat wrestling in here.
Vices 101 Vices By J.P. Ampleform Hey, only 30 to go!
Vicious Pedantry See Dewey Decimal System
Thirty Non-Musical Uses For Your Violin Wow, I bet that WOULD keep the cats away...
Viruses Things You Can Catch By Reading a Library Book Uh, oh...
Vision Patches
Volcanoes Warm All Year Round Real estate handbook.
Voodoo See Recipes, Voodoo
Vulgarity Gross Things to Say at Parties
Waiting Is It Soup Yet? A jillion things to do while waiting in line.
Wallpaper Anywhere But My Room Designs featuring cute cartoon characters.
Wallpaper Living in Lime One thousand lime green designs. Ick.
Waltzes Dancing On Three Legs
Warthogs The Misunderstood Pet
Wealth Opulence as a Social Art By L. Phatt
Wild Animals Meet Mr. Tiger Pop-up book. Neat, the pictures pop up.
Wine Sniffing the Cork How-to for the wine snob.
Woodworking Out On a Plank
Xanthippe Life Cycle of the Shrew
Xenophobia Hey You Kids, Get Off of My Lawn
Xylophone See: Music
Yacht Clubs Pirate's Guide to Caribbean Yacht Clubs
Yachting All You Need is the Cap Yachting on land.
Yaks The Yak is Slow But the Earth Is Patient
Yawning The Yearn to Yawn Psychological study of yawn envy.
Yeti Interview With A Snowman
Yiddish Feh, and Other Useful Terms Reference. 0
Yodeling Yodeling from the Top of the Lungs A study of yodeling as an offensive weapon.
Yorkshire Pudding Not Quite Really Pudding Articles and recipes 0
Yo-yos At the End of the Rope Yo-yo politics.
Zippers Zipper Theory
Zirconium The Most Beautiful Element
Zoology Just one of the Primates
Zoology Zoo Animals More Intelligent Than Humans It's too thick, I don't have time to read it.
  • Dynanetics by L. Ron Gilbert

Notable LootEdit

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